Ok...

I tried to post that last entry so much earlier. Leaning towards going on holiday. I can't stay in the country forever, and if it happens again...well it won't be good, and I will not be a happy Tom.

You'll sit alone forever, If you wait for the right time

Making a really tough decision tonight. Do I go on holiday or not? The only thing thats stopping me is the irrational fear that something bad will happen again when I return. It's based on the last two years, and what happened each time. I feel so stupid for letting it get to me really, but I just don't want that turmoil again, I don't think I could deal with it a third year.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to waste an opportunity like this, as they won't come many more times in life, and I don't want to let my mum down.